Internet Addict
You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act
You kiss you girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap....and your kid in the overhead compartment.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3...
your night dreams are in HTML.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.
You turn your modem off and get this awful epmty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"
Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of the room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.
You turn on the intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if e-mail arrives.
You wife drapes a blond wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted purple.
Your dog has its own webpage.
You've visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.
You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" svga monitor.
You check your mail. It says "no new Messages." So you check it again.
You refer to you age as 3.x.
You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore
Your phonebill comes to the door in a box.
Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC Channel.
You code your homework in HTML and give your intsructor the URL.
You don't know what sex is over three of your closeset friends are, because they have nuetral nick names and you never bothered to ask.
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom
You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for two months
You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games form Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue.
You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.
You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at Http://123.elm.street/hose/bluetrim/html
Your virtual girlfriend finds a new sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
You buy a Captain Kirk Chair with a built in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer can not come to bed"
You are so familiar with the WWW that you find search engines useless.
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
You never have to deal with the busy signal when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while youre pretending to catch your breath.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost you to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
You forget what year it is.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
You ask a doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind ... the perfect soundtrack to "surfing the net"
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited"
You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
