You Know You're Stuck In The 80's

You Know you're stuck in the 80s when:

your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister
you relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Footloose" soundtrack
you think the Two Coreys are "totally awesome"
you're still bitter that Wham! broke up
you type all of your term papers on a Commodore 64
you still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in your house like Webster's
the only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man
you're building your own Clockwork Smurf
your summer attire is Jellies and Jams
A-Ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video
you consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms
you wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans, and lacy ankle socks
you call all motorcycle cops "Ponch"
every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks
you're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up
you know who Stinky Sullivan is
you work out with "Get in Shape Girl"
you want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up
you enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night
you know who Loverboy is
you think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion
you think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis"
you can sing the theme song to Small Wonder
every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"
you still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards
you write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem
you still use your Snoopy Sno-Cone machine
you know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma
you stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in "The Neverending Story"
you have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak
you still practice your Care Bear Stare
you know that girls just wanna have fuh-un
you can name all The Wuzzles
you harbor a secret dream of being slimed by Alistair
you can do the Safety Dance
in your spare time you are writing "The Breakfast Club 2"
you like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"
someone metions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"
your prized possesion is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks
you know whose number is 867-5309
you get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career
you're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control
you drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to
you consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century
you have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train
you want to be one of the Solid Gold Dancers
you still watch things on Beta
you want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand
you know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a tv show
your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on"
you always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house
your favorite party game is Hungry Hungry Hippos
you saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act
you liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser
you know which Hollywood Square Jim J Bullock was in
you practice getting in and out of your car through the windows
you have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts
you're still wondering who really was the boss
you know what the "P" in "Alex P. Keaton" stands for
you keep asking your teachers if instead of the quiz you can take the physical challenge
you organize weekend tournaments of TV tag
you still drink New Coke
when you watch "Terminator 2" you wonder where Vincent is
you know ALF's real name
you never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs
you can name all of the Thundercats
you got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese
everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent
your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann
sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out
you're planning a dream vacation to Mepos
you use your Speak and Spell to phone home
you know the original members of Menudo
sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love
when you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage TurboBoost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back
you remember when Vanessa sang Kareoke to "Locomotion"
you know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity
people are constantly gagging you with spoons
your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian"
the only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes
you still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date
you hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital
you know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from
you have "We Are the World" on 45
you're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik
you can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you
you watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs,that's for sure"
you hear the names 'William Shatner' or 'Heather Locklear' and think "Ah yes, T.J. Hooker!"
You carry around a slab of cardboard, because you never know when you are going to get "called out" and have to breakdance.
You just bought "Thriller" on vinyl.
You just found out that WWF wrestling is fake.
You ditch school with your best friend and your significant other and go to the top of Sears Tower, a museum, a fancy restaurant, a ball game, and sing "Twist and shout" in a parade. All the while dodging your older sister and the nosy principal who is breaking into your house.
You know that Alanis Morrissette was on You Can't Do That on Television before she was that 'angry young girl in the 90s"
You think that Michelle Pfeiffer was totally awesome in Grease 2 and Olivia Newton John is just the chick who sang "Lets Get Physical"
You own a skinny tie and know where it is.
You wear Izod polo shirts with the collar up.
You have a duck tail/rat tail.
You wear frienndship pins on the fluorescent laces in your shoes. AND you've been known to give them out to friends.
You still wear clothes with "Ocean Pacific" labels clearly visable.
You only wear a single glove and occasionally break in to the moonwalk in public.
You rip slits into your jeans on purpose.
You often wear sweatshirts with one shoulder bare and try to take your bra off through your sleeve like they did in "Flashdance"
You wear those shirts/coats that zip (or fasten) in a diagonal way which then flop down to make a triangular shape on your chest
You know the original line up of Duran Duran and You still have a crush on Nick Rhodes.
You refer to Bruce Springsteen as "The Boss"
You still talk about whether or not the video for a song is any good.
You still prefer 12 inch mixes over CD singles.
You eagerly await the next hit single from Menudo to come out any day now.
You miss "Captain EO" from DisneyWorld.
You still call the guy who wrote "Little Red Corvette", Prince.
You know all the words to "The Wild Wild West"
You own more than one album by either A Flock Of Seagulls, Toto or Mr. Mister.
You refer to albums as LP's and call music stores, record stores.
You own a Smurf figurine and You also own a Smurf mushroom house for them to play in.
You fantisized about being smurfette among all of the smurfs.
You still measure things in 'apples high'.
You have a stuffed animal on the window of your car.
You use the phrase "Yeah, That's The Ticket"
You use the word "DUDE" at all (and with a straight face).
You still say, "Well isn't that special?"
You have a pair of sunglasses with lights behind the lenses.
You play video games on an Atari 2600.
You like to argue with your friends whether Transformers are better than Go-bots.
You think "Where's the Beef?" is far better than "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up"
You have a Cabbage Patch Kid out in plain sight somewhere in your house.
You've never given up hope that you might someday solve a Rubik's Cube.
You think that people still breakdance to rap music.
You think wine from a box is as neat as sliced bread.
You own California Raisins merchandise.
You don't know that Spud's Mackenzie is a female dog.
You still think you can get killed by mixing pop rocks and soda.
You own a BMX bike and still freestyle with it.
You didn't know that Tiffany doesn't write her own songs.
You get your advice from Dr. Ruth.
You still cry when you watch E.T.
You think the only reason O.J. Simpson is famous is because of football.
You refer to Russia as the U.S.S.R. and think they're a bunch of commies.
You still take your Flintstone vitamins.
Your dream car is a DeLorean.
You use a Trapper Keeper for homework assignments.
When someone calls for someone more than once in public, you start saying, "Bueller, Bueller, Bueller."
If someone says, "Who are you gonna call?" the first thing you say is "Ghostbusters."
You can still quote stupid things that Dan Quayle has said at one time.
You think skateboarding is rad.
You still try to make your hair stand up as high as possible with tons of hairspray and mousse.
you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song
the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories
you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica"
three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?
you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!
you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV
you ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the open market
a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid"
you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's, pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have no clue what the 90's are all about
you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those childhood photos, and they still look bad
while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again
you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was
one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was to Robert Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the door thing anyway?"
you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver Stone"
you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's the end of the world as we know it"
you can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a computer connotation to it as well
took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
you knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse
you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phases: "When I was younger" "When I was your age" "You know, back when..." "Because I SAID so, that's why" "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"
you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections to choose from
Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language
Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am"
you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you when you want to buy cigarettes.
flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential election, and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs, you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart
the first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped because you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President, not this Jesse character.
you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video
at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm
"Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you first heard it at a school dance
the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy for You" by Madonna
there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"
you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons
you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time
you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete
the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter
you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong again for old time's sake
honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those blender attachments he had for hands
you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his clothes and talked strangely
(girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", and lusted after "Ted, your ship's photographer" on the Love Boat, and Ponch and John from CHiPs
you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday party
you're starting to dread your 30th birthday, and have even begun going into denial about it's possibility
you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had someone call you a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you have there...and gee, is that a suede bag...those shoes leather, too?"
you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for
you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50" age category on most questionnaires
you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age
your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"
you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the last five years, okay?
you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores" meant going to an electrical warehouse
you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all
you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree
you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there"
going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up
you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back hurts, sorry
you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends that are married
you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so
you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more
you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon
U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now
you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation
When someone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end
you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first scene.
you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man
you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General Hospital)
you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there"
your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes, anyway.
you know who shot J.R.
this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."
You're still upset they took Press Your Luck off the air "Big Bucks NO WHAMMIES!!!"
You Remember Johnny Depp from 21 Jump Street.
You can name Frank Zappa's children.
You're planning a celebration with all of your friends for New Year's Eve 1999 and you're gonna listen to Prince.

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